spray on condom

Each week, sex columnist Maureen Matthews answers your questions about sex, intimacy and relationships.

Q My partner suffers from premature ejaculation. This is mortifying for him, and disappointing for me. What, if anything, can be done about it?

A Both men and women worry about this. Biologically, it isn't a problem at all. Once penetration has occurred, ejaculation is all that is needed to fertilise eggs. However, humans have sex to obtain pleasure. Within a sexual relationship, what is "too quick" is subjective. It only becomes a problem if one, or both, of you are unable to enjoy lovemaking. Indeed, some men find it difficult to ejaculate, and this can also lead to dissatisfaction or insecurity. The "problem" occurs if stress and anxiety arise.

One common practice (memorably featured in the film There's Something About Mary) is for the man to reduce his level of arousal by relieving himself beforehand.

There are products that are said to assist with this issue. Some numb the penis to slow down arousal. Durex makes an Extended Pleasure condom containing a numbing agent. Men have also told me that the exotically named "Indian God Lotion" spray works well.

Another approach is to wear an erection ring, which prevents the blood from leaving the penis. All of these work on desensitisation. However the most effective, long-term solution is to control your responses. The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (C. Winks & A. Semans) offers some advice.

The man should start practising alone. He needs to identify the moment when ejaculation becomes inevitable, and learn to stop moving, touching and stimulating until the urge has passed. With practice, he should be able to get close, and back off a number of times before letting go.

Once he feels confident with this, he can practise with his partner. Start off with him lying on his back, with her on top. He should keep still, and focus on that trigger point, backing off from the urge a few times. Finally, try to use this technique during all lovemaking.

Practitioners of Tantra believe that ejaculation wastes vital energy, so some of their techniques can be used by any man trying to hold off. The Multi-Orgasmic Man (M. Chia) is one book teaching these skills.

If your relationship has been strained by this problem, it might be worth getting some relationship counselling. The counsellor may also be able to explain the pressure point, at the base of the penis, that can also help in delaying things.

Intercourse is not the only way to give a woman pleasure. Focus on giving her an orgasm first, with manual or oral stimulation. This makes it less frustrating for her if the penetration is brief. Sex toys can be useful in both assisting the woman to climax before intercourse, and to continue the play afterwards.

Many people believe it is vital to achieve orgasm during intercourse. This fixation often exacerbates disappointment. There is no right or wrong way to gain sexual pleasure, and no one is standing at the end of the bed holding up cards that say "7.5" or "9.2". Whatever works best for both of you is the best way to enjoy sex.

Send your questions to Maureen at BUSINESSMAN who claimed to have invented a spray that acts as an "invisible condom" faces fines of up to $400,000 for misleading his investors.

The corporate regulator yesterday obtained orders in the Federal Court of Australia declaring that Ravi Narain's former employer Citrofresh International had engaged in misleading conduct in contravention of the Corporations Act.
The Australian Securities and Investments Commission's proceedings against the organic anti-bacterial product company Citrofresh and Mr Narain arose from two "misleading" statements to the Australian Stock Exchange dated September 27 and 29, 2005.

The Court declared Citrofresh had engaged in misleading conduct by falsely stating it could "offer a global solution to reduce and eventually stop the spread" of HIV.

ASIC also claims Citrofresh had said "without reasonable grounds that the use of its product as a post-coital application would act as an invisible condom and that this would have a significant impact on reducing the transmission of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases".

The firm said it planned a range of products to be used in the first instance for men's health - a post-intercourse spray.

And the court court heard that Citrofresh had claimed that its product provided a "non-hazardous, non-toxic and effective solution that dealt with emergency disease control and prevention for HIV, human influenza A virus, SARS and human rhinovirus".

The hearing of ASICs proceeding against Mr Narain took place late last month.The Federal Court has reserved judgment in ASIC's claim against Mr Narain, who has resigned as managing director and as a director of Citrofresh.

He could be hit with a $400,000 maximum penalty for the two allegations that he engaged in misleading or deceptive conduct and failed to exercise his duties as a director with a reasonable degree of care and diligence regarding the announcements.

The ASX statements resulted in Citrofresh's share price surging more than 160 per cent, at one stage hitting 70 cents.The company yesterday consented
Son, just so you understand, I don't care what The New York Times says about me. And nobody I care about cares what The New York Times says about me."

That was Senator Jesse Helms (R-NC) offering guidance to a new staffer eager to reply to newspaper criticism leveled against his boss. The episode is recounted in the former senator's 2005 book, Here's Where I Stand: A Memoir.

Reading that volume reminded me of what a national gem Jesse Helms is and was. For thirty years in the U.S. Senate, he delighted most conservatives and disgusted most liberals. Standing firm on his principles, he truly didn't care what the mainstream media said about him.

And plenty was said. It was The Raleigh News & Observer early on that, because of his vociferous opposition to prevailing liberal nostrums, dubbed him "Senator No." Jesse Helms accepted it as a compliment.

A Washington Post article in 1990 claimed he "may be the nation's most notorious lawmaker." The Seattle Post-Intelligencer described him as "the leading symbol of the radical right in the U.S. Senate." The Dayton Daily News printed a caricature depicting the senator holding a can of spray paint in front of a swastika. The following day the newspaper tolerantly reported that its editorial board didn't consider Mr. Helms a Nazi after all and apologized.

Some folks used to sport buttons proclaiming, "Stay on the case, Jesse." The Jesse to whom they referred was Jesse Jackson.

Those of us on the right had our own Jesse and, boy, did he ever stay on the case. Mr. Helms served as point man on a multitude of issues important to conservatives: Foreign aid, a flat tax, the United Nations, federal spending, school prayer, the Panama Canal Treaty, welfare reform and national defense were only a few.

Some of the vilest vitriol was directed at him for fighting against pornography paid for by the public through the National Endowment for the Arts. The government was dishing out dollars for "art" such as a crucifix submerged in urine and a self-portrait of a man with a whip inserted in his backside.

The senator's hostility to the latter objet d'art antagonized more than a few gay rights activists. He already was in their crosshairs for having pushed through the Senate a bill banning federal dollars for any AIDS education material condoning or promoting homosexual sexual activities. In 1991, some of his detractors placed a giant condom over his house and put up a sign pronouncing "Helms is deadlier than a virus."

The pro-life movement never saw it that way. Jesse Helms views the taking of innocent human life through abortion as a national scandal. He led the way as Congress approved the strongest anti-abortion restrictions in our history. So effective was he in the struggle to save unborn babies that he was burned in effigy outside Planned Parenthood's New York office. In his book, the former senator writes of September 11 and links the heartbreak of that day with what still continues:

"Yet let us not forget that every passing day in our country, more than three thousand innocent Americans are killed at the hands of so-called doctors, who rip these little ones from their mothers' wombs. For these unborn Americans, every day is September 11."

Jesse Helms played a decisive role in Ronald Reagan's 1980 presidential election. Four years earlier, the former California governor challenged incumbent President Ford for their party's nomination. Gov. Reagan lost the first three primaries and it appeared as though any future candidacy might be tarnished by an image of a losing candidate.

Then Senator Helms stepped in. The next primary was in North Carolina; Jesse pressed the governor's campaign to let Reagan be Reagan. Big money was spent on TV ads. A new 30-minute campaign tape was produced.

Ronald Reagan won North Carolina, which led to other primary and caucus victories. He lost the nomination by a handful of convention delegate votes. The closeness of the contest made him the clear favorite the next time around.

Senator Helms may for many years have been Mr. Conservative, but that didn't mean he was always Mr. Republican. He was never reluctant to oppose his own party or their presidents when he thought they were wrong. Time Magazine reported he held up confirmation on more nominees in the Reagan and first President Bush administrations than he did when Clinton was in the White House.

Jesse Helms didn't automatically go along to get along. An aide to President Reagan was quoted: "We had to have three strategies for anything that went to the Hill. The strategy for Republicans, the strategy for Democrats and the strategy for Helms."

His early days in the Senate must have been difficult ones. His was a minority voice in a Senate and there were many legislative setbacks. But as Andrew Jackson observed, "One man with courage makes a majority." That man with courage stayed thirty years and, eventually, had a striking impact on the United States of America.

Just as there's no new Ronald Reagan on the horizon, neither is there an heir apparent to Senator Jesse Helms. I wish there were. He's a good man who has served his country well. If you don't believe it, just look at the enemies he made.

This Michael Bates column appeared in the September 20, 2007 Reporter Newspapers

About our sex columnist: In the 10 years that sex educator Maureen Matthews has been running her erotica shop, Bliss4Women, she's heard just about every question anyone is afraid to ask. She also speaks regularly on sex topics at conferences, workshops, and on radio and television.