Tuesday, September 18, 2007

brookhaven obesity clinic

I've been watching both for several weeks now (Monday nights on TLC). I have mixed feelings about obesity shows and reality shows in general, because so often there's as much exploitainment as edutainment. I've added the 'tainment ending on both, as I never forget that entertainment is the first motive (without it there is no show).

What really hit home to me, is that both shows have featured patients who have been smaller at their starting weights than I was at my highest. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I've been oblivious to the fact that I am really, really fat. I'm on disability for health problems that have been worsened, if not directly caused by my weight, and yet I don't think I've ever realized how close I came, and could come to being housebound and helpless like some of these patients.

Tonight on Inside Brookhaven..., they featured a lady who was about 20 lbs under my highest weight. She lived in a second floor apartment and couldn't walk well enough to leave the apartment. She spoke of being stuck on the toilet for 2 hours waiting for one of her sons to come home, because she couldn't get up off of the toilet herself.

She seemed proportionally much larger than I've ever been, so I'm assuming she's either very short, or I'm underestimating my size at my highest. Regardless, the show made me realize how vulnerable I am (and my husband as well) to becoming helpless. I've always been fat, but I've always been very independent. In many ways, burning the candle at both ends contributed to both my weight and becoming disabled. Taking care of myself was always the lowest priority. I guess I thought I had to prove to the world that I was not lazy, and always worked two or more jobs or a combination of jobs/school. Sleep deprivation, poor eating habits, and overwork burnt me out, and at a high rate of speed because of my weight.

I didn't realize how much the disability has eroded my self esteem. I've always considered myself to be confident and optimistic, even during hard times, but I don't think I realize how much of a person's identity is wrapped up in what they can do. Not being able to work, hasn't made me feel worthless, but it has made me feel worth less. I realized tonight that becoming helpless would be devastating emotionally and physically.

Obviously, it could happen to anyone at any time. A car accident could cripple the healthiest person to the point that they have to rely on others for the simplest need. I guess it really hit home how hard I really have to work, and how committed I really have to be in order to reduce the odds of such a fate. I thought it was embarassing to have to buy a shower chair, I can't imagine needing help going to the bathroom.I watched the show as well....I am fasinated at these types of shows only because for the grace of god..there go I....I find shows like this very motivating for myself..Only because if I think I have excess weight to loose my daily challenges are nothing in comparison to the people they portrayed on the show. But yet if I continue on the unhealthy road of stuffing emotions with food ect...all those fun things I use food for, I will be no differant than them. I must admit, yes I find it hard to follow 1200-1300 calories a day on a medically high fibre diet. If
I were of that size they showed on TV....my preference would be to start off say 4000 calories a day of "healthy foods" and taper the calories and food intake so my body does not go into shock....Because on that show so much of the food intake was all greasy takeout--cookies--cakes ect...Very high calorie foods... I did not observe one person eating any fruit/veggies.....Another show I like to watch is on TLC--X-Weighted....Very good show..... Colleen my heart goes out to you. I am also on disability and you couldn't have said it better."Not being able to work, hasn't made me feel worthless, but it has made me feel worth less". I feel the exact same way. I have chronic liver disease and my health was so disastrously affected by my obesity. I've now lost the weight, but still can't work due to my liver.

I see people everyday that were my starting wt. or higher that didn't have near the obesity related illness that I had. I know all about using a shower chair, having my DH help bathe me, having to send my kids to get the mail cause I couldn't walk that far, Having to keep a chair beside my bed to be able to pull on to lift myself up, having to send DH or kids to buy the groceries, not being able to go shopping without feeling like I'd pass out, the stares from others if I used a handicapped parking spot or a motorized scooter, being too sick to go to my kids school activities., having to have the teacher come to the school office for my parent-teacher conference cause I couldn't walk the length of the hallway to make it to the classroom, skipping my son's football games cause I couldn't make it up the bleachers to sit down. I'm sure there were many, many others things I can't recall at this time.

Wt. affects people so differently. I've seen so many times on here that "you have to lose wt. for yourself, no one can make you lose it". To some extent this is true. But, unlike many others, the kick in the pants from my Dr. certainly got me to realize that I wasn't gonna live long if I didn't lose this wt. Now to me, that was incentive enough to lose the weight. Deep down, I knew the excess wt. was causing some of my major health problems, I just couldn't face it until he so bluntly spelled it out for me.

I wish you the very best with your wt. loss success and hope this show can help you to further your determination and make your resolve even stronger to improve your health.

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